My Poetry

To What Lies Behind The Clouds:

I look ahead
And what do I see
Stable or uncertainty
An unknown future lies ahead
Yet still so much to be said
Thinking back to what has been
To everything we have seen
Never learning to forget
Just putting things under set
Working together as full fledged team
To a brighter future and all our dreams
Just maybe now they will be seen

A Leap of Faith:

One step
One hop
One jump
One leap
She takes a breath
And see’s what she’s achieved
With help and support
She’s found that strength
To grab the rope
And swim the lengths
It’s scary and unknown
However she knows in her heart
She won’t have to do this on her own

My first poem
Written in 2014 when I got my first wheelchair.. Before we realised the severity of my condition.

The view from my chair
My legs swinging bare
My arms clasping tightly
As the light shines in brightly
Time to get up
Time to get moving
Shuffles I do
Pivot at best
Slide board
To hoist
From bed to floor
From chair to another
Then settled in and covered
Belt done up tightly
Feet all strapped in
Ready to go
All sorted and posed
Wheelchair bound I may be
But strength and courage I carry with me
I will walk again and stand with pride
No matter how long it may take
Even if I am just able to stand for a second
I will get there and be proud of the journey I make
For it makes me who I am
Not just a girl In a wheelchair
A girl who will perceive and try until she stands and gets through this next mile
When she will smile and say
I made it through and so you can too

This is my poem to all the staff who cared for me in intensive care and on the ward and continued to even now.
Hear this hospital’s voice
From Ward 4 and cardiology
Monitoring, surgery and care
To CCU and ITU
Saving lives as they do
Mine being with one them too
Wouldn’t be here without that team
Hidden in hospital walls
Battling one day at a time
With the sickest patients a far
But hope they carry strong
An unknown name to some
But a dedicated and special place has begun
Wards and units which goes above and beyond
For patients, families and staff
Physically, emotionally and everything In-between
You give patients understanding and care
Tests, treatments and support
Even when there can seem no hope
And all you hear is the ventilation a float
The infusions ticking through
As we sail the boat but losing crew
You make sure they’re not on their own
You stand by them and make sure their voices are heard
And you deserve to know
You honestly do make such a difference
And you really all are just magnificent

Written to Mike my physio

Early morning rising
Sleeping shall she be
But once up and awake
Physiotherapy is her key
That freedom and independence
That goal of sliding say she
Pillows at the ready
For fall and collapse
Or just ‘a gentle relax back
Toes on the floor
Shuffles forward would be said
Come on legs’ wake up from that bed
Use those muscles, use those legs
Use those arm exercises we’ve rattled into your head
Despite tough love that’s how physio’s should be
They work you hard, push you to a limit but know when to stop
Before Ruth says ‘I feel a bit funny and faint I think I might..
as she falls to the floor or as far as Mike’s knees
Oh the joys of POTS and EDS thinks she
But despite all of this they’ve never given up
Infections, ITU, surgery and more
Obstacle after next with brick walls and multiple different wards
But in the end there is only one ward and one team that stand tall
Ward 4 and all partners in crime
But the greatest pair is Mike and Arnuoud
Working hard each and every time
In their own unique style and quirks
It really does work
28 weeks equals 7 months and 200 plus days
Think that’s quite enough of a stay
But thank you for making it that little bit easier
I’m stubborn as ever and that’ll never change
But your smiles, courage, trust and hope is what carries me through
Keep up your good work and all that you do
But don’t change just keep being you and don’t be afraid to remember penguin’s rock too


Written to Arnoud my physio assistant

One step on the bed
One shuffle on the board
One push from the arms
One push from the legs
Come on you can do this Ruth ‘he said
So she uses that strength and takes a breath
As she reaches the chair she smiles to see what she’s managed to achieve
With help and support
She’s found that strength
To grab the rope
And shuffle the lengths
At times it’s so uncertain so unknown
However she knows she can do it and she’s not on her own
Thank you for keeping me smiling
Pushing me through and keeping that drive
To move, sit, shuffle, transfer and even stand
I’m determined I will walk one day and prove not only myself but all those who’ve helped me through
That includes you and Mike and many in between
I’m so grateful to you both for what you did and more
Keep doing what you do but also follow your dreams
I know deep down I think nursing is in your genes

Life On The Line
Living in hospital is like living in limbo
A bubble of life wrapped up in four walls
Machine, IV’s, infusions and drugs
Isolation, infection and surgery ‘for luck
Wards, HDU and ITU and more
It’s like game of tug of war
Tubes, lines and trying to make plastic look funky
Though I always ending up looking like a drugged monkey
As times quickly slips passes
And you live through rose tinted glasses
You slowly forget each day from the next
They roll into one like a constant hangover you wake up to
Mate where am I what’s surrounding me what’s going on again remind me
And they say ‘welcome back you woke up just in time
We joke and smile all behind that nervous few laughs
Knowing reality is much more real
I wouldn’t be here alive awake or talking if it weren’t for these people
They just like you and me but they save lives every day
Even the ones they cannot save they fight till the end
And I know that as I’ve been there before
Sat close to that door with family galore
And tears sweeping silently
As the room fills up quietly
No words can be spoken
As there’s no right or wrong
But no guts no glory
Courage is compulsory
As loved ones sit in waiting room chairs
What else they can do as there heart tear’s
But somehow my body’s fought back
Strength is low and body is weak but I’m pulled back from my knees
The futures unknown and I won’t lie no doubt it is scary
I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t speak truth
But I’m thankful to you all abs everyone in this world
You all commit to the community and are a part of a wider team
Even if you don’t realise it you all do one good deed
Small or big we can all make a difference
You never know next time you’ll be needing that care and good deed
So before you pass it on think to plant that sees
But right now I’m blessed to be here alive awake and smiling
And that’s all down to my team
My doctors, nurses anaesthetists and surgeons to physio, OT, HCA’a and they’re learning
Alongside porters, cleaners, kitchen staff and more
Everyone one has a part to play and sees this place through
Don’t take NHS for granted
It’s there for a reason and you only realise that greatness
When what you need is there amazement
To respond, act quickly and fight for your life
Not everyone will always pull through
But through my eyes I can say as fact NHS should be here to stay
As if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be here today
Waiting For That Shooting Star
Waiting for a miracle
A cure across the seas
With a merry dance
And a pint of chance
In an all glazed trance
Just not my reality
So much research to be done
But they say decades to come
With the future planned ahead
Unknown and unnerving
With many a concerning
A girl trapped in EDS
Wrapped by faulty genes
She tries not let it see
But wheelchair bound is she
A freedom to some
But once I was young
Once completely free
And I can’t comprehend
The change abounding me

 When we went away on a small break with family and every year I’ve swam but end of 2014 I couldn’t and this poem was my way of expressing what it feels like to watch from the outside.

Watching from the outside
A room not far above
Double glazed shard of glass
With a non photography pass
Where must I be
But a swimming pool I see
With a bundle of trees
And no word of peace
Yes it’s Centerparcs we be
But yet tranquility I see
Happy and smiling are these
The family’s and friends
The relationships till the end
Rapids and waves
To Hot whirl pools and parades
But the question you daren’t ask
Why behind the glass
Are you hiding, afraid of the fear
Whether water or people round here
But no it’s none of that
It’s more of a time and place
If I could jump over glass and walls
Just to play water polo and balls
I’d be there in a flash
But my health is a hazard
And safe we must play
So people watch is just what I do
Keeping up with the antics too
Till the time comes that I can jump in
Shout to POTS and EDS ‘Oi I win
Climb back from this higher shelf
And be people watched all by myself